Well, as expected, I'm a terrible blogger. I don't seem to have the wit, circumstances, or drive to post weekly, monthly, let alone daily. Though there are several blogs I follow who are able to post interesting reads daily!
August 29th was a big day for my household for several reasons:
1. 7 year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina
2. Hurricane Isaac actively hit Louisiana
3. My 1 year anniversary of meeting my endocrinologist and starting my insulin regime
A whole stinkin' year to adjust to my new normal. And boy has it been an adjustment.
Not only have I been dealing with daily diabetes management, I've also been dealing with anxiety. I thought I knew what was triggering it, but now I'm not sure, as I've had several instances lately that seemingly come out of nowhere.
I've been to a therapist, which I actually enjoyed, but after 3 visits I ran out of things to talk with her about and haven't been back. When I stopped going my anxiety was way down, but seems to be creeping back up. I feel like I basically have generalized anxiety disorder.
For example, 4 am last night I wake up with my heart racing in the 120s. I wasn't dreaming about anything upsetting, seemed to be sleeping pretty well. 1 xanax and the company of the hubs later, I slept like a rock. Then woke up with a blood sugar of 60. 60 is pretty low for me, and I felt somewhat "off" but other than that had no symptoms. That double whammy has me feeling like a lethargic slug today.
I hate feeling like that, and my MD has written me a prescription for Celexa, but I've been hesitant to take it. I also went to a new PCP this week, as my former one retired, and he ran routine blood work as part of my check up. If nothing shows up in that blood work to explain the way I feel sometimes, I think I'll just start the Celexa. As my BFF's Dr husband reassured me a few months ago, just because a drug is called an antidepressant, it doesn't mean I'm taking it because I'm depressed. It's the anti-anxiety component that I need. And hopefully it'll be a temporary fix that "breaks the cycle" and I can stop it sometime and be done with these awful feelings. Also, just talking to friends, family, and acquaintances, it seems almost everyone I know is on or has taken something similar. Ideally I'd like to be taking as little medication as possible, but we'll see how things keep going.
I feel that I have a decent grasp on my diabetes management, still using multiple injections daily versus a pump management system and it seems to work for me so far. There are times though when I'm prepping to give myself a shot and I stop and think "I'm going to have to do this for the rest of my life?" And that's fine- because it means I'm alive. But it's a sometimes overwhelming thought. And damn, it sucks, and certain spots hurt more than others, and certain areas bleed, and my stomach looks it's been used for a punching bag at times. But I'm managing. And I have an amazing support system of family, friends, co-workers... couldn't ask for better.
Of course there are days when I miss ordering a milkshake, or getting my beloved cookie dough Blizzard during our trips to Missouri. Those are truly some of the only items I have denied myself since diagnosis, because the amount of insulin I'd have to shoot to cover something like that is a bit ridiculous if I follow a carb to insulin ratio (something I'm not too great with yet, cause I haven't bothered to learn). Then I see all of these awesome looking desserts on Pinterest and decide not to pin them, but honestly, I'd probably never make them anyways. And there are days when my numbers just don't make sense. I take a little extra insulin to cover what seems to be a carb filled dinner and I go low, yet taking a unit lower wouldn't cover it and result in higher numbers than I'd like? No rhyme or reason.
So, 1 year down, 1 year wiser, 1 year older.
Hopefully I won't always have to write about my diabetes-versay, because hopefully one day we will have a cure. The JDRF is doing some amazing things out there, among other research institutions. I've signed up to participate in a research trial about driving with diabetes to determine and prevent risks associated with type 1 diabetics and driving. Thankfully I've never experienced a hypoglycemic event while driving, or sleeping. And the New Orleans JDRF Walk for Diabetes is coming up in November and I plan on participating and fundraising. Keep an eye out for that coming soon!
Take care of your health, it is precious.
No, I can't just take the pills, diet, or exercise my diabetes away. I have type 1, my pancreas doesn't work!
Thanks for a year of love and support!
XOXO,
Ashley
